I had an idea today whilst sitting at the traffic lights. I was thinking for some reason about land mines and how many soldiers lose limbs when they have to test a land strip for the things.

Have you ever seen them doing this on TV? They tip-toe along and prod the ground very gently with a stick. And then, sometimes, they go boom.

Well, why not use rats instead? Why not pack a few truck-loads and then let them loose on the strip? As long as the soldiers and the rats don’t become friends on the way there, nobody gets ‘hurt’.

I mean emotionally.

Except the rats’ friends…

OK, if that’s a little controversial (Mickey Mouse has friends in high places) why not pack truck-loads of dead rats instead? They could throw the rats up ahead of them to see if they go boom.

Surely that has to be better than risking your own limbs?

OK, they could lob melons up onto the strip from a safe distance. At worse, they get showered in pips.

OK, that’s not a good option while there’s a food shortage…

Damn it, they could throw anything in front of them!

Why doesn’t somebody tell them!