Remember Bum bags?
Bum bags were trendy and snazzy at one point in the 80’s. Thinking about it, probably everything was snazzy at one point in the 80’s. But bum bags were one of those things that were snazzy AND useful… until we invented fashion.
Fashion and the taste police put an end to the trusty, snazzy, useful bum bag. It killed it outright.
If you’re not sure what a bum bag is - or if you’re shuddering at the words, conjuring up horrendous images.. then relax. The bum bag was a pouch with a waist strap that allowed you to carry all your shrapnel around in one place instead of having it all over your pockets. You can see a bum bag ‘in action’ here to the right.
Well, bum bags are not things that you admit to. They’re like Kilie Minogue and Jason Donovan… you just don’t admit to liking their duet efforts. And for the record… I do not like Kilie Minogue and Jason Donovan! I’m sure they’re smashing people and I’d love to attend their yatch parties (I’m serious) so please do send invites. I’m talking about the duet efforts… which I’m entitled not to like.
I do on the other hand hope that Kilie Minogue and Jason Donovan agree with me on the bum bag issue. The truth of the matter is that bum bags are damn handy! I for one cannot wait until they reinstate the bum bag as a fashionable item. We are all going from day to day, searching our pockets incessantly for our car keys, change to pay for the sneaker bars and coffees… My God… how many hours off your life do you think all that rustling inside trouser pockets cost you over the months? And this is my point: it’s a needless waste that can and should be stopped right away by bringing in a useful tool to take care of this issue… and we have such a tool in the bum bag! Just look at the car keys next to the image of the bum bag! It’s efficiency times 10!
Dear fashion world and Wallmart, please bring back the bum bag so I can get myself a snazzy one and save lots of time.
Now, having said all this about the bum bag, I feel I must point out something crucial here… and that is… pimping up your bum bag! They say a picture paints a thousand words,so I’m going to show you exactly what I mean.
My good God, what were they thinking of! OK, there is NO NEED for this to have ever happened… Look at it! Not one but TWO drinking bottles? Where is this person going to that they need a bum bag loaded with bottles? Up a mountain? If so, this is the job of the backpack! Let’s not confuse the two items now…
Can you imagine walking around with this bumbag? You’d look like an action man (the toy that is…). Even in a world where the bum bag was an iconic symbol, where everybody walked around freely with their snazzy bum bags… turning up with THIS monster of a bum bag would make you the laughing stock of the year! It’s the equivalent of the pimped up car that went slightly wrong at the very start because it wasn’t really a car to be pimped up in the first place! It’s like adding floodlights to your bumbag!
Is it any wonder then that the bum bag died a death… with this kind of… thing… going on? I mean, where do you draw the line? If you start showing up with bum bags like that, then somebody else will make a bigger one, and a bigger one, and before you know it we’ll all be walking around with bum bags the size of small wardrobes, dragging them along behind us or permanently walking at 45 degree angles! And this, ladies and gentlemen, defies the whole point of the bum bag… which was always meant to be a small compact handy (snazzy) device.
Having said this, I still await eagerly the day they make a huge comeback. I will be first in the queue. In fact, I may just buy one and stash it away until such day arrives, so I can stroll out of the house triumphantly donning my spanking new bum bag. And I can tell you that it won’t have water bottles attached to it!
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